Articles
Guides for hard moments.
Practical guidance, honest answers, and thoughtful explanations — written for New Zealanders navigating death and what comes after.
The marae and tūpāpaku — understanding the spaces and their significance during tangihanga
When someone you love dies and their tangihanga (the ceremony of mourning) is held on a marae, you may find yourself moving through spaces that feel weighty with meaning — even if you cannot yet name what that meaning is. For many whānau, and especially for Pākehā attending for the first time, the marae can feel unfamiliar. This article explains what each space is, what it holds, and why it matters — so that when you step onto the marae, you step in with some understanding of the ground beneath your feet.
TangihangaAttending a Tangihanga as a visitor: What to expect and how to show respect
Being invited to attend a tangihanga (the ceremony of mourning) is a privilege, and it is completely natural to feel uncertain about what to do or whether you will do the right thing. This article is for anyone — Māori or non-Māori — who has been called to pay their respects at a tangihanga and wants to arrive with an open heart and a sense of what to expect. You do not need to be an expert in tikanga to attend with respect. You need presence, humility, and a willingness to follow the lead of those around you.
TangihangaAfter the tangihanga: the hākari, cleaning the marae, and finding your feet in the days that follow
When the karakia have been said and your loved one has been laid to rest, you might expect the world to fall quiet. Instead, there is still the hākari to share, the marae to set right, and a home that must be made gentle again before life can carry on. This article walks through what usually happens after the burial — the feast that lifts the weight of tapu, the cleansing of the spaces your loved one touched, and the tender, exhausted days that come once everyone has gone home. Throughout, it holds onto one truth: that these final acts are not chores, but the last loving things you do together as a whānau.
TangihangaWhat is a Tangihanga? Meaning, purpose and tikanga
When someone you love dies, the world shifts in ways words can barely hold. If your whānau is Māori — or if you've been invited to stand alongside a Māori family in their grief — you may be stepping into the space of a tangihanga. It is one of the most profound expressions of love and community in all of Aotearoa. This article will help you understand what a tangihanga is, what happens during one, and why it matters.
TangihangaTangihanga away from the marae — holding the ceremony at home, in a chapel, or another venue
For many whānau (families), the marae is not always where tangihanga (the ceremony of mourning) can be held — and that is more common than you might think. Distance, cost, cultural disconnection, personal wishes, or the reality of city life can all mean that your loved one is farewelled somewhere other than an ancestral marae. This is not a failure of love or of tikanga (custom). It is whānau finding a way. This article explains what tangihanga away from the marae can look like, what tikanga elements can travel with you wherever you are, and what practical things are worth thinking through.
TangihangaWhānau roles during a tangihanga — responsibilities, expectations and how to support each other
A tangihanga (the ceremony of mourning) is one of the most profound things a whānau will ever navigate together. It asks people who are deep in grief to also show up for each other — practically, spiritually, and in the eyes of their community. Understanding the different roles that carry a tangihanga forward can help make sense of what is being asked of you, and how the collective weight of farewell gets shared.