Tangihanga away from the marae — holding the ceremony at home, in a chapel, or another venue

This is not a new path

The shift away from ancestral marae as the default venue for tangihanga began in earnest after World War II, when many Māori moved from rural areas to cities — and found themselves far from their tribal grounds.

That distance created a real question of where to hold a tangihanga, and suburban homes became a common answer.

More recently, the Funeral Directors Association of New Zealand has observed that the number of Māori choosing to hold tangihanga at home rather than on the marae is continuing to grow, driven by cost, urbanisation, and cultural disconnection.

In some parts of the country, such as the Eastern Bay of Plenty, around three in five whānau now hold tangihanga at home or at a funeral home rather than on the marae.

If your whānau is in this situation, you are walking a well-worn path.

Why whānau choose other venues

The reasons are as varied as whānau themselves.

Cost is one of the most significant factors — marae tangihanga can mean thousands of dollars more, particularly when feeding a large gathering over two or three days.

Some people prefer a tangihanga at home because of religious differences within their whānau, or because they feel little personal connection to their ancestral marae. Others live far from their rohe (home region) and the logistics of travelling there feel impossible.

Urban migration has led many whānau to shift tangihanga to suburban homes, funeral home chapels, or shorter ceremonies that fit around work commitments and travel realities.

None of these choices make the farewell any less meaningful. What matters is that your loved one is surrounded by aroha (love), and that whānau have space to grieve together.

What tikanga can look like outside the marae

One of the most important things to know is this: the tikanga and kawa (protocols) for tangihanga can vary from iwi to iwi, marae to marae, and even whānau to whānau — and the kaumātua (elders) of the marae and whānau lead. There is no single universal approach, and this guide does not try to offer one.

Tikanga may include extended whānau and visitors gathering over several days, specific protocols around caring for the tūpāpaku, and services held at a marae, home, church, or community venue. The venue does not determine whether tikanga is present — the whānau and the kaumātua do.

Tangihanga typically begins with the tūpāpaku lying in state, surrounded by whānau and friends, creating space for collective grieving. The karakia (prayers), mōteatea (laments), and waiata (songs) that are so central to the farewell can happen wherever whānau gather.

After the tangihanga, some whānau observe a ritual called takahi whare — where a minister or tohunga (expert practitioner) walks through the home reciting karakia to lift tapu (spiritual restriction) from the space. Whether and how this is observed will depend on your whānau and tikanga.

Some whānau find a middle path — the tūpāpaku lies at home for a night or two, then travels to the marae for the final day before burial at the urupā (burial ground). Others hold the service at a church and then spend time at the marae before proceeding to the urupā. There is no wrong way to weave these together, as long as your whānau and any kaumātua involved are in agreement.

Working with a funeral director

Every iwi, hapū (sub-tribe), and whānau has its own tikanga, and tangihanga are guided by those who hold that knowledge — kaumātua, marae communities, and whānau members. A good funeral director understands this and follows that lead. When a funeral director is invited to support a tangihanga, their role is to support, not to lead.

If you are choosing a funeral director, look for one who is a member of the Funeral Directors Association of New Zealand (FDANZ) — members are required to have appropriate qualifications and must follow a Code of Ethics, which includes respecting the ethnic origin and spiritual beliefs of the person who has died.

It is worth asking directly: have you supported tangihanga held at home or at a venue other than a marae? Can you work alongside our kaumātua and support whānau to shape this in the way we need? A funeral director who listens before they speak is worth finding.

Practical things to think through

Holding a tangihanga at home or another venue involves some genuine logistics. It helps to think through these early, with support from whoever in your whānau is best placed to carry them:

• Space for the tūpāpaku to lie in state, ideally where whānau can sit alongside day and night
• Sleeping and eating arrangements for whānau who will stay through the days
• Parking and access for manuhiri (visitors) who come to pay their respects
• Tapu and noa (the sacred and the everyday) — keeping spaces that are sacred separate from areas for eating and rest, guided by your tikanga
• Who will lead karakia, and whether a tohunga or minister will be present
• Whether a kaumātua is available to guide the ceremony and speak

Tangihanga can be planned to last one day, or up to a week — the length should reflect what your whānau needs and can sustain.

Urban marae as an option

If your whānau lives in a city but wants the gathering held on a marae, it is worth knowing that urban marae exist across Aotearoa. Urban community marae are established by mātaawaka (Māori living away from their ancestral lands) — and many of them welcome whānau for tangihanga.

Marae such as Awataha Marae in Auckland remain living marae — places of karakia, hui (gatherings), tangihanga, and community expression. Reaching out to your local urban marae may open a door you did not know was there.

Hold onto what matters most

Wherever your loved one is farewelled — in a lounge, a chapel, a community hall, or under the open sky — the heart of tangihanga travels with you. Tangihanga honour the person who has died and allow whānau and friends the time and space to grieve and celebrate their life. They encourage people to express grief — to cry, laugh, sing, speak to each other, speak to their loved one, and feel all that they need to feel. No building changes that.

If your whānau is navigating decisions around venue and tikanga right now, be gentle with yourselves. These are hard conversations to have when you are also grieving. Lean on the people around you, and let each decision be made with aroha.

Our tangihanga guide can walk you through the wider process — the practical steps, the tikanga considerations, and the support available — at your own pace.

Circumstances vary. Verify specific details directly with the relevant organisation before acting.

Written and reviewed with care by BesideYou.

Sources

• Te Ara — Encyclopedia of New Zealand: Tangihanga – death customs
• Te Ara — Encyclopedia of New Zealand: Urban marae
• RNZ: Fewer tangihanga on the marae: Families 'don't feel really connected'
• Te Ipu Aronui: Tangihanga and funerals
• Te Ipu Aronui: Tangihanga kawa
• Te Atawhai Aroha: Funeral / Tangihanga
• Community Law Manual: Funerals and tangihanga
• Auckland Council Governance Manual: Pōwhiri, whakatau, tangihanga and karakia