Whānau roles during a tangihanga — responsibilities, expectations and how to support each other

The heart of it: whānau carry this together

A tangihanga is set apart from a standard Western funeral by its multi-day structure and its orientation toward group participation — it prioritises tikanga Māori (Māori customs and values) to enable shared sorrow, reciprocal support, and ritual care for the tūpāpaku.

No single person carries this alone.

Whanaungatanga — relationships, kinship, and collective connection — is often described as the glue that binds people together. It is grounded in reciprocity and collective responsibility, and it ensures that every person has a role within the broader group.

Before anything else, know this: tikanga and kawa for tangihanga can vary from marae to marae and even whānau to whānau. The kaumātua of the marae lead, and their guidance takes precedence. What is described here is a broad picture — not a universal rulebook.

Whānau pani — the bereaved family

The role of the whānau pani (the bereaved family) is to mourn. This is both a privilege and a protection built into tikanga. The whānau pani occupy a special place near the tūpāpaku and are supported by the wider community, who take on the cooking and hosting responsibilities.

Historically, the whānau pani would stay beside the tūpāpaku continuously, fasting and wearing pare kawakawa (kawakawa leaf wreaths) on their heads. They were the focus of the grief.

The role of the whānau pani has changed in recent times — the fasting period has been relaxed in many places, and whānau pani may wait until the end of the day to eat, when the marae flag has been lowered and visitors have gone for the evening. But even as practices adapt, the core intention remains: the closest family should be freed to grieve fully, held and sheltered by everyone around them.

Today, with smaller numbers of whānau available to carry out the various roles of hosting and ceremony, whānau pani may at times be required to step in and help with collective responsibilities — though this is not the ideal, and the aim is always to protect their space to mourn.

Kaikaranga — the callers

Traditionally viewed as a connection between the living and the spiritual worlds, the karanga (ceremonial call) is steeped in tikanga and speaks to the mana wahine — the standing and authority of women — within the marae. It is a spiritual call that has been heard through generations of whānau across the country.

In most tribal areas, women are kaikaranga (callers) while men take on the role of kaikōrero (speakers).

The kaikaranga from the host marae begins proceedings with her call, welcoming both the living manuhiri (visitors) and the spirits of the dead. The kaikaranga from the visiting group returns the call on behalf of the manuhiri. Each group honours the other, weaving a continuous thread that draws the visitors onto the marae.

Kaikōrero — the speakers

The role of the kaikōrero is to act as a māngai (mouthpiece) for the side they represent, drawing together and expressing the thoughts of their group.

The dead are acknowledged at all gatherings through karanga, whaikōrero (formal speeches), song and tears.

This remembering of those who have passed serves to remind people of their whakapapa (genealogy and ancestral connections) and of the importance of life, people and relationships.

Speakers must be prepared to speak in te reo Māori, and the order of speakers follows the kawa of the local marae. Defer to your kaumātua on who should speak and when.

Kaumātua — the elders

During a tangihanga, kaumātua (elders) offer valuable guidance to the whānau pani on cultural protocols and processes, and help to maintain a safe space for everyone, regardless of where the tangihanga is held. Their presence anchors the ceremony.

The path to kaumātuatanga often begins in the kitchen, learning the principles of awhi (supporting), tiaki (looking after) and manaaki (showing respect and care), before eventually taking on roles like kaikaranga and kaikōrero. Kaumātua understand that the ability to care for others through tangihanga can diminish when whānau are not actively engaged with their marae.

If you are fortunate enough to have a kaumātua in your whānau or community, lean on them. Their knowledge is a taonga (treasure).

Ringawera — the kitchen and hosting crew

Roles during a tangihanga span from the kaikaranga and speechmakers to the pallbearers and ringawera — the kitchen hands and hosting crew — and everything in between. The ringawera are the engine of a tangihanga. They feed everyone, keep the marae running, and ensure that the entire community can gather to mourn, support the bereaved, and uphold tikanga through song, oratory and shared meals — reinforcing the values of manaakitanga (hospitality and care for others), whanaungatanga (connectedness), and utu (reciprocity).

No role here is lesser than another. The person washing dishes at midnight is carrying the tangihanga just as surely as the person standing to speak.

Preparing the tūpāpaku

The preparation of the tūpāpaku — including washing and dressing — is carried out by people close to the person who has died. This is considered a great privilege: it is a deeply personal and intimate act, and the last time it will ever be done. Those who take on this role do so with aroha (love and compassion) and care, guided by tikanga and, where present, by those with the relevant knowledge on the marae.

When you don't know what to do

If your connection to tikanga has been interrupted — through distance, urbanisation, or the loss of those who carried the knowledge — you are not alone.

There may not always be kaumātua available to support whānau. While some whānau have access to members with deep Māori cultural knowledge, those people may have many calls on their time. It is always okay to ask.

All marae have their own kawa (protocols) and tikanga — the best advice is to ask the local people what their expectations are.

Arrive willing. Bring your hands, your voice, your presence. Ask where you are needed. The tangihanga will carry you if you let it.

Supporting each other through it

A tangihanga asks a great deal of everyone present. The grief is real and it is heavy, even for those in supporting roles.

Whānau show their rangatiratanga (right to exercise authority and lead) by adapting and doing what needs to be done. Holding the mana of the person who has died in the highest regard, and fulfilling their cultural and spiritual wishes, is the most important goal.

Check in on the people around you — the kaikaranga who has been calling for three days, the ringawera who hasn't slept, the quiet uncle standing at the back. Everyone is grieving. Everyone deserves to be seen.

Tangihanga are hard. They are also one of the most profound expressions of love that whānau can offer. The roles you carry through those days — however large or small — are part of something that has sustained Māori through generations of loss. You are not just farewelling one person. You are holding the whole whānau together.

For more on the ceremonies, timeline and logistics of a tangihanga, our tangihanga guide can walk you through the details step by step — at your own pace.

Circumstances vary. Verify specific details directly with the relevant organisation before acting.

Written and reviewed with care by BesideYou.

Sources

• Te Ara — Encyclopedia of New Zealand: Tangihanga – death customs
• Te Ara — Encyclopedia of New Zealand: Te kawa o te marae
• Te Ara — Encyclopedia of New Zealand: Māori manners and social behaviour
• Te Ipu Aronui: Roles during tangihanga
• Te Rūnanga o Ngāi Tahu: Karanga — a call from the heart
• Waitangi Tribunal: Roles on the marae
• Te Atawhai Aroha: Funeral / Tangihanga
• Ngā Pae o te Māramatanga: Kaumātua standing up for the mana of their marae, hapū and iwi